HELP WANTED: Aquire Within (yourself)

Hello again,
I've been expecting you. Welcome back to the # 1 Most Subscribed to blog on the Internet ever (citation needed). Today I feel like delivering on my promise to bring you stupid questions and information that you didn't think you needed to know. So, without further ado;
The Stupid Question:
Why do Humans/ Other creatures Sleep?
The Stupid Answer:
Well, according to this website, http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-02-why-do-we-sleep.html there is no real definite answer. The website goes on to claim that there are many hypotheses to why we sleep. Some scientists have said that during sleep, a human brain is reinforcing new neurological pathways that you have developed during that day. Other scientists say that instead of reinforcing pathways, your brain dumping any unnecessary information. The problem with both of these theories, however, is that things without brains, i.e. plants, microorganisms, have a state that is similar to sleeping. So basically plants and microorganisms are taking a dump on the dumping and reinforcing theories. "But Casey," you cry out, "I thought sleep is a thing that everything does anyway?!?". "False", I say. That website shows us that there are people out there who laugh in the face of sleep, and then when sleep decides to man up, they sock it right in the chin.
So , in conclusion, science doesn't really have a complete answer to why we sleep. This furthers my suspicion that science is a conspiracy made up by the government to protect the Al-Qaeda Extraterrestrials from discovering the truth behind The War Of 1812.
Until we meet again, I'm Casey Myers.
May the Force be with you.