Let me get right into it.
The movie Avengers is the worst movie ever made.
Yep, I said it.
And I believe it.
And its the TRUTH.
If you want to fist fight me about it, you can find me here. (Don't ask me how I get internet service)
Yes, I know its making millions at the box office and everybody is raving about it, but it sucks and I hate it.
Because if I hate it, then you should automatically hate it too, because listening to a crazy person on the internet is definitely the most logical thing a person of your vast intellect could do.
And I'm going to tell you why.
Reason 1) changing the Hulk's actor.
I really have no idea why they replaced Ed Norton with Mark Ruffalo. You cant just do that to nerds. It just makes no sense. Seriously, the Spiderman series stuck with frickin Tobey Maguire for 3 dang movies. Maybe because it was because Eddy was too busy making a Bourne movie sequel without Matt Damon. But that theory makes no sense because the guy who plays Hawkeye is in that same movie. Speaking of Hawkeye..
Reason 2) Who the F@#$ is Hawkeye?
Hawkeye? Really? Where did he come from? How many non-nerds have ever even heard of him? 3. That's the exact number. And one was just a lucky guess. Why not make a movie that's all about Hawkeye so the fans have something to base him off of like they did for Thor and Captain America. Also on that note...
Reason 3) Shitty background story movies
Marvel basically made two movies just to be able to make the avengers movie. Both the Thor and Captain America movies were shoved through Hollywood just to make room for their big Avengers movie. By hastily making those two movies, they basically killed any chance for a sequel of either of those two franchises. Which leads me to my final reason...
Reason 4) A BIG SHITTY SEQUEL!!!!
You cant deny that $200 million on opening weekend is an ungodly amount of money, so you know for a fact that Marvel will want to come back and try to get some of that sweet, sweet nerd money. But of course, just like every other huge movie franchise, the sequel will be EVEN WORSE than the first one. ex. Indiana Jones, Die Hard, Ocean's 11. I could easily keep going but I grow weary from all the pent up rage.
If I discover any more reasons why the Avengers is the worst movie ever made, (and I will),I'll let you know in future blog posts.
Take it sleazy , I'm out.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Stop in the name of the laws of physics!
Me: "Hey."
Physics: ...
Me: "YA YOU, physics."
Physics: ...
Me: "whats up?"
Physics: ...
Me: "Whats up?
Physics: ...
Me: "You wanna do something about it?" "You wanna start something?"
Physics: ...
Me: "Yeah that's right, you don't even HAVE a unified theory. You cant even explain gravity. HA!"
That was the last time I talked shit to Physics. not just because it proceeded to drop heavy things on my toes, but because physics is more of an idea, and you can't beat up ideas(according to THE MAN, and by 'the man', I mean MULTIPLE psychiatrists).
BUT, if I could talk shit to ideas, the first one I would beat up would be gravity. Mainly because gravity is weak as shit. Also, I have minimal confidence in my fighting ability.
Hell, even electromagnetism is stronger than gravity. Put a static electricity covered balloon next to a piece of paper. Gravity is literally weaker than a balloon and a piece of paper. Pussy.
Gravity does have one thing going for it. There is no way to absorb, protect, or shield yourself from gravity. You literally CAN NOT HIDE FROM GRAVITY.
So even though it is a weak little bitch, it WILL find you. And it will bring heavy objects to drop on your extremities.
Physics: ...
Me: "YA YOU, physics."
Physics: ...
Me: "whats up?"
Physics: ...
Me: "Whats up?
Physics: ...
Me: "You wanna do something about it?" "You wanna start something?"
Physics: ...
Me: "Yeah that's right, you don't even HAVE a unified theory. You cant even explain gravity. HA!"
That was the last time I talked shit to Physics. not just because it proceeded to drop heavy things on my toes, but because physics is more of an idea, and you can't beat up ideas(according to THE MAN, and by 'the man', I mean MULTIPLE psychiatrists).
BUT, if I could talk shit to ideas, the first one I would beat up would be gravity. Mainly because gravity is weak as shit. Also, I have minimal confidence in my fighting ability.
Hell, even electromagnetism is stronger than gravity. Put a static electricity covered balloon next to a piece of paper. Gravity is literally weaker than a balloon and a piece of paper. Pussy.
Gravity does have one thing going for it. There is no way to absorb, protect, or shield yourself from gravity. You literally CAN NOT HIDE FROM GRAVITY.
So even though it is a weak little bitch, it WILL find you. And it will bring heavy objects to drop on your extremities.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Now that's thinking with your headache!
Hello everyone, I would like to thank all of you for taking time out of your day to read this. I really appreciate all 6 of you (ba-dum-tisss). Also I don't really have a topic to write about today, so I'm just going to wing it.
So i wassitting here on the toilet , laying naked on my bed , sitting at my desk trying to write this post, I begin to feel this pain. It's kind of hard to explain, its like a pain underneath my hair but behind my face. I'm just gonna call it a "headache". So, this "headache" just starts randomly causing me pain out of nowhere like a ninja. Then, it proceeds to disappear like socks in the dryer. No warnings. No rhyme or reason. No cure. Just in one ear and out the other, (ba-dum-tisss).
So this headache comes and goes and I still don't know what to write about. Wait... I got it!
Gator Wrestling!!
No. Just kidding.
Headaches, I'm gonna write about headaches.
So, what is a headache? Where does it come from? Why are headaches a thing? Where are those voices in my head coming from?
Well according to Wikipedia, the world leader in making dumb people sound smart, a headache is
"A headache or cephalalgia is pain anywhere in the region of the head or neck. It can be a symptom of a number of different conditions of the head and neck.[1] The brain tissue itself is not sensitive to pain because it lacks pain receptors. Rather, the pain is caused by disturbance of the pain-sensitive structures around the brain. Nine areas of the head and neck have these pain-sensitive structures, which are the cranium (the periosteum of the skull), muscles, nerves, arteries and veins, subcutaneous tissues, eyes, ears, sinuses and mucous membranes."
So what causes headaches? Well, it depends on what type of headache you have. There are over 200 types of headaches says smart-ass Wikipedia. The main types that people experience are tension-type headache and migraines. There are alot of other effed-up types of headaches but ill let you read about those on your own.
There's alot of other stuff on Wikipedia that deals with Biology and Chemistry and other science stuff that I don't understand. It's not like I'm a Rocket Surgeon or anything.
So if you ever have a headache, just go to Wikipedia and real all about the cures,
because reading a brightly lit webpage with tiny words definitely won't make your headache worse.
Or you could just have some Ibuprofen with you. Now that's thinking a-head (ba-dum-tisss.)
So i was
So this headache comes and goes and I still don't know what to write about. Wait... I got it!
Gator Wrestling!!
No. Just kidding.
Headaches, I'm gonna write about headaches.
So, what is a headache? Where does it come from? Why are headaches a thing? Where are those voices in my head coming from?
Well according to Wikipedia, the world leader in making dumb people sound smart, a headache is
"A headache or cephalalgia is pain anywhere in the region of the head or neck. It can be a symptom of a number of different conditions of the head and neck.[1] The brain tissue itself is not sensitive to pain because it lacks pain receptors. Rather, the pain is caused by disturbance of the pain-sensitive structures around the brain. Nine areas of the head and neck have these pain-sensitive structures, which are the cranium (the periosteum of the skull), muscles, nerves, arteries and veins, subcutaneous tissues, eyes, ears, sinuses and mucous membranes."
So what causes headaches? Well, it depends on what type of headache you have. There are over 200 types of headaches says smart-ass Wikipedia. The main types that people experience are tension-type headache and migraines. There are alot of other effed-up types of headaches but ill let you read about those on your own.
There's alot of other stuff on Wikipedia that deals with Biology and Chemistry and other science stuff that I don't understand. It's not like I'm a Rocket Surgeon or anything.
So if you ever have a headache, just go to Wikipedia and real all about the cures,
because reading a brightly lit webpage with tiny words definitely won't make your headache worse.
Or you could just have some Ibuprofen with you. Now that's thinking a-head (ba-dum-tisss.)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Road Rash/Rage
Sup.
Short blog today.
very tired.
deal with it.
Why do people drive like F*^% S@# B*#^*% peices of S*#@ ? <-- (that's an actual question mark not a symbol hiding the letters of my cuss words)
But seriously, why do people drive like ass hats? (not a swearword, they can say it on t.v.) Like just today I was driving COMPLETELY LEGALLY in the left lane trying to pass a slower moving vehicle. I was driving at about 73 mph, which was only to keep up with the flow of traffic. The person that I was attempting to pass was going about 70 mph. Then all of a sudden a man driving like he had a time bomb strapped to his nut sack, approaches me from the rear ( not an intentional gay joke) and proceeds to ride my ass (ok, that one was intentional).
I did not really have a problem with this move, seeing that I do this basically every time that I drive. What really made me mad is that as I was already in the act of passing a slower car. So, this fartsniffer attempting to pass me and the car I was passing, gets behind the slower car attempting to squeeze into the ever closing gap between me and the car I was attempting to pass. In doing this, he forced me to slow my pace as to not put myself in a dangerous situation. This forces every car behind me to decrease their speed as well.
He then cuts me off and continues to speed down the highway like the poopyface he is. I don't know why he couldn't wait the extra 12.8 seconds that it would have taken for me to pass the car, thus creating a phenomenon that scientists are now calling an "Open Lane". This phenomenon by some magical reason would allow this motorist to continue to zip down the freeway unabated by obstacles, while also not creating any dangerous traffic situations.
I have not been able to find any research about this situation, because apparently no major universities have done studies on the driving habits of buttheads (note to self: find out if there are any large research grants for the study of buttheads).
So in conclusion,
F*** you dark haired guy in a 2002 Blue Honda Civic.
F*** you.
Straight up.
F*** you.
F*** you.
Go drown in a septic tank.
Short blog today.
very tired.
deal with it.
Why do people drive like F*^% S@# B*#^*% peices of S*#@ ? <-- (that's an actual question mark not a symbol hiding the letters of my cuss words)
But seriously, why do people drive like ass hats? (not a swearword, they can say it on t.v.) Like just today I was driving COMPLETELY LEGALLY in the left lane trying to pass a slower moving vehicle. I was driving at about 73 mph, which was only to keep up with the flow of traffic. The person that I was attempting to pass was going about 70 mph. Then all of a sudden a man driving like he had a time bomb strapped to his nut sack, approaches me from the rear ( not an intentional gay joke) and proceeds to ride my ass (ok, that one was intentional).
I did not really have a problem with this move, seeing that I do this basically every time that I drive. What really made me mad is that as I was already in the act of passing a slower car. So, this fartsniffer attempting to pass me and the car I was passing, gets behind the slower car attempting to squeeze into the ever closing gap between me and the car I was attempting to pass. In doing this, he forced me to slow my pace as to not put myself in a dangerous situation. This forces every car behind me to decrease their speed as well.
He then cuts me off and continues to speed down the highway like the poopyface he is. I don't know why he couldn't wait the extra 12.8 seconds that it would have taken for me to pass the car, thus creating a phenomenon that scientists are now calling an "Open Lane". This phenomenon by some magical reason would allow this motorist to continue to zip down the freeway unabated by obstacles, while also not creating any dangerous traffic situations.
I have not been able to find any research about this situation, because apparently no major universities have done studies on the driving habits of buttheads (note to self: find out if there are any large research grants for the study of buttheads).
So in conclusion,
F*** you dark haired guy in a 2002 Blue Honda Civic.
F*** you.
Straight up.
F*** you.
F*** you.
Go drown in a septic tank.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Casey Myers D.D.S. Doctor of PAIN!.. relief
Welcome back lady and gentleman, my name is Casey, sitting here slaving over a hot keyboard and just trying to understand the world. About 20 minutes ago, I was sitting here won(hic)dering what to write abo(hic)ut. My mind had been numbed by the ma(hic)ssive amount of homework that I just finished. Also by the conti(hic)nuous nagging of the hiccups.(hic) Where do they (hic) come from? Why do they happen? Why are they happening to me right now? And why do they suddenly disappear? They are like the Batman of bodily functions. And they're pissin' me off.
So I spent countless hours dicking around on the Internet making absolutely no progress on my research. Then I took the 10 minutes to actually google the answer. According to this website hiccups are defined as :"Spasms of the diaphragm (which is the muscle between the chest and the abdomen that pumps up and down to get air in and out of your lungs). It's a spasm in the diaphragm." Well, DUH. I already new that shit. Then I remember the Internet is all knowing.
Some factors for hiccups include, overeating , sudden temperature, carbonated beverages, alcohol, dry bread, and tobacco use. There are a lot of home remedies out there to stop them but sometimes that doesn't work. According to this website, some dude had the hiccups for 68 effin' years. That's almost half as old as I am (I have a really good complexion.)
yeah that's cool n all, but my hiccups have seemed to disappear during the writing of this column so I don't really give a shit anymore. If you really want to find out more, GOOGLE IT. Because I'm not really interested in this topic any more.
(hic)
Dammit.
So I spent countless hours dicking around on the Internet making absolutely no progress on my research. Then I took the 10 minutes to actually google the answer. According to this website hiccups are defined as :"Spasms of the diaphragm (which is the muscle between the chest and the abdomen that pumps up and down to get air in and out of your lungs). It's a spasm in the diaphragm." Well, DUH. I already new that shit. Then I remember the Internet is all knowing.
Some factors for hiccups include, overeating , sudden temperature, carbonated beverages, alcohol, dry bread, and tobacco use. There are a lot of home remedies out there to stop them but sometimes that doesn't work. According to this website, some dude had the hiccups for 68 effin' years. That's almost half as old as I am (I have a really good complexion.)
yeah that's cool n all, but my hiccups have seemed to disappear during the writing of this column so I don't really give a shit anymore. If you really want to find out more, GOOGLE IT. Because I'm not really interested in this topic any more.
(hic)
Dammit.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
HELP WANTED: Aquire Within (yourself)
Hello again,
I've been expecting you. Welcome back to the # 1 Most Subscribed to blog on the Internet ever (citation needed). Today I feel like delivering on my promise to bring you stupid questions and information that you didn't think you needed to know. So, without further ado;
The Stupid Question:
Why do Humans/ Other creatures Sleep?
The Stupid Answer:
Well, according to this website, http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-02-why-do-we-sleep.html there is no real definite answer. The website goes on to claim that there are many hypotheses to why we sleep. Some scientists have said that during sleep, a human brain is reinforcing new neurological pathways that you have developed during that day. Other scientists say that instead of reinforcing pathways, your brain dumping any unnecessary information. The problem with both of these theories, however, is that things without brains, i.e. plants, microorganisms, have a state that is similar to sleeping. So basically plants and microorganisms are taking a dump on the dumping and reinforcing theories. "But Casey," you cry out, "I thought sleep is a thing that everything does anyway?!?". "False", I say. That website shows us that there are people out there who laugh in the face of sleep, and then when sleep decides to man up, they sock it right in the chin.
So , in conclusion, science doesn't really have a complete answer to why we sleep. This furthers my suspicion that science is a conspiracy made up by the government to protect the Al-Qaeda Extraterrestrials from discovering the truth behind The War Of 1812.
Until we meet again, I'm Casey Myers.
May the Force be with you.
I've been expecting you. Welcome back to the # 1 Most Subscribed to blog on the Internet ever (citation needed). Today I feel like delivering on my promise to bring you stupid questions and information that you didn't think you needed to know. So, without further ado;
The Stupid Question:
Why do Humans/ Other creatures Sleep?
The Stupid Answer:
Well, according to this website, http://www.physorg.com/news/2011-02-why-do-we-sleep.html there is no real definite answer. The website goes on to claim that there are many hypotheses to why we sleep. Some scientists have said that during sleep, a human brain is reinforcing new neurological pathways that you have developed during that day. Other scientists say that instead of reinforcing pathways, your brain dumping any unnecessary information. The problem with both of these theories, however, is that things without brains, i.e. plants, microorganisms, have a state that is similar to sleeping. So basically plants and microorganisms are taking a dump on the dumping and reinforcing theories. "But Casey," you cry out, "I thought sleep is a thing that everything does anyway?!?". "False", I say. That website shows us that there are people out there who laugh in the face of sleep, and then when sleep decides to man up, they sock it right in the chin.
So , in conclusion, science doesn't really have a complete answer to why we sleep. This furthers my suspicion that science is a conspiracy made up by the government to protect the Al-Qaeda Extraterrestrials from discovering the truth behind The War Of 1812.
Until we meet again, I'm Casey Myers.
May the Force be with you.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Why do we sleep? The Birth Of A Blog
Hello People of Earth,
This is my first post so be gentle. My name is Casey Myers and I am here to ask my self questions that my wandering mind seems to ask me when I have much more important stuff to do. I also would like to try and brighten up your day with a little humor. I like to think of myself as a 21st. Century Renaissance Man / -3rd Century Aristotle, with much less important and intriguing areas of study, and much less questions about the deep caverns of the human psyche. I guess I would say I'm more along the lines of a Jerry Seinfeld / Bill Nye the Science Guy. ( Somebody please understand that joke and laugh , I'm really trying here.) What I'm trying to say here is, I have less questions about the Quantum Physics of an Electron During Nuclear Fusion, and more questions like the title of this post, Why Do We Sleep? That's not to say I am uninterested in such topics as Quantum Physics, I just feel that some knowledge in many areas is better than a lot of knowledge in fewer areas. In gathering this knowledge of many subjects my brain seems to ask seemingly unrelated and quirky questions like; What is the point of silent letters?(seriously, what is it?), Why is Sleeping a thing? and ;When did I finish my beer? Seriously, I drank it that fast?I'm going to grab another one...? OK, those last couple weren't real questions, (just a sad, failed attempts at humor), but I think you get the premise. Basically, i made this blog because my stupid brain keeps asking dumb questions all the time, and its up to me to find those answers and keep my stupid brain happy. Also, to make you feel pity for me in my sad bids at comedy writing. Who knows, maybe if I'm terrible enough, I might get a job as a writer for ABC's New Fall Lineup.
Much Love Homies,
Casey Myers
This is my first post so be gentle. My name is Casey Myers and I am here to ask my self questions that my wandering mind seems to ask me when I have much more important stuff to do. I also would like to try and brighten up your day with a little humor. I like to think of myself as a 21st. Century Renaissance Man / -3rd Century Aristotle, with much less important and intriguing areas of study, and much less questions about the deep caverns of the human psyche. I guess I would say I'm more along the lines of a Jerry Seinfeld / Bill Nye the Science Guy. ( Somebody please understand that joke and laugh , I'm really trying here.) What I'm trying to say here is, I have less questions about the Quantum Physics of an Electron During Nuclear Fusion, and more questions like the title of this post, Why Do We Sleep? That's not to say I am uninterested in such topics as Quantum Physics, I just feel that some knowledge in many areas is better than a lot of knowledge in fewer areas. In gathering this knowledge of many subjects my brain seems to ask seemingly unrelated and quirky questions like; What is the point of silent letters?(seriously, what is it?), Why is Sleeping a thing? and ;When did I finish my beer? Seriously, I drank it that fast?I'm going to grab another one...? OK, those last couple weren't real questions, (just a sad, failed attempts at humor), but I think you get the premise. Basically, i made this blog because my stupid brain keeps asking dumb questions all the time, and its up to me to find those answers and keep my stupid brain happy. Also, to make you feel pity for me in my sad bids at comedy writing. Who knows, maybe if I'm terrible enough, I might get a job as a writer for ABC's New Fall Lineup.
Much Love Homies,
Casey Myers
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