Road Rash/Rage

Sup.
Short blog today.
very tired.
deal with it.

Why do people drive like F*^% S@# B*#^*% peices of S*#@ ? <-- (that's an actual question mark not a symbol hiding the letters of my cuss words)
But seriously, why do people drive like ass hats? (not a swearword, they can say it on t.v.) Like just today I was driving COMPLETELY LEGALLY in the left lane trying to pass a slower moving vehicle. I was driving at about 73 mph, which was only to keep up with the flow of traffic. The person that I was attempting to pass was going about 70 mph. Then all of a sudden a man driving like he had a time bomb strapped to his nut sack, approaches me from the rear ( not an intentional gay joke) and proceeds to ride my ass (ok, that one was intentional).

I did not really have a problem with this move, seeing that I do this basically every time that I drive. What really made me mad is that as I was already in the act of passing a slower car. So, this fartsniffer attempting to pass me and the car I was passing, gets behind the slower car attempting to squeeze into the ever closing gap between me and the car I was attempting to pass. In doing this, he forced me to slow my pace as to not put myself in a dangerous situation. This forces every car behind me to decrease their speed as well.

He then cuts me off and continues to speed down the highway like the poopyface he is. I don't know why he couldn't wait the extra 12.8 seconds that it would have taken for me to pass the car, thus creating a phenomenon that scientists are now calling an "Open Lane". This phenomenon by some magical reason would allow this motorist to continue to zip down the freeway unabated by obstacles, while also not creating any dangerous traffic situations.

I have not been able to find any research about this situation, because apparently no major universities have done studies on the driving habits of buttheads (note to self: find out if there are any large research grants for the study of buttheads).

So in conclusion,

F*** you dark haired guy in a 2002 Blue Honda Civic.
F*** you.
Straight up.
F*** you.
F*** you.
Go drown in a septic tank.

Casey Myers D.D.S. Doctor of PAIN!.. relief

Welcome back lady and gentleman, my name is Casey, sitting here slaving over a hot keyboard and just trying to understand the world. About 20 minutes ago, I was sitting here won(hic)dering what to write abo(hic)ut. My mind had been numbed by the ma(hic)ssive amount of homework that I just finished. Also by the conti(hic)nuous nagging of the hiccups.(hic) Where do they (hic) come from? Why do they happen? Why are they happening to me right now? And why do they suddenly disappear? They are like the Batman of bodily functions. And they're pissin' me off.

So I spent countless hours dicking around on the Internet making absolutely no progress on my research. Then I took the 10 minutes to actually google the answer. According to this website hiccups are defined as :"Spasms of the diaphragm (which is the muscle between the chest and the abdomen that pumps up and down to get air in and out of your lungs). It's a spasm in the diaphragm." Well, DUH. I already new that shit. Then I remember the Internet is all knowing.

Some factors for hiccups include, overeating , sudden temperature, carbonated beverages, alcohol, dry bread, and tobacco use. There are a lot of home remedies out there to stop them but sometimes that doesn't work. According to this website, some dude had the hiccups for 68 effin' years. That's almost half as old as I am (I have a really good complexion.)

yeah that's cool n all, but my hiccups have seemed to disappear during the writing of this column so I don't really give a shit anymore. If you really want to find out more, GOOGLE IT. Because I'm not really interested in this topic any more.



(hic)



Dammit.